My husband and I were so happily married back in 2007 (we still are, actually). We never thought that we would be given a gift in the form of a child so quickly and yet we were so excited about the baby.

It took less than a month of marriage to conceive. The pregnancy went well – I ate, walked and gained weight, too. I had no complications and, in fact, no problems at all. We were thankful for that little miracle, Aryssa.

Ever since she was born, she has been our priority in life. Whenever I go shopping, my shopping cart is filled with purchases for her – dresses and toys.

She has grown so fast and can talk so well that one day she even requested for a younger sibling. Ah, well … if we could have Aryssa so easily, surely we could have a second one in no time.

“Let’s have our second baby after Aryssa turns two years old,” we decided.

So, after September 2010, we started our journey to conceive another beautiful baby. True enough, it was so easy. In October 2010, I was pregnant again. I was filled with joy and happiness, more so because my best buddy at the office was also pregnant. It was going to be great to share moments of pregnancy with someone I felt comfortable with. I could imagine getting each other good and healthy food for breakfast and our babies spending time together … and the list goes on.

Aryssa? I must say she was as excited as we were. She even kissed my belly even though it was not really showing at that time.

Then the bad news came: I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy, where the baby develops outside the womb and cannot survive. The little one was removed via laparoscopy procedure. It was sad knowing that Aryssa would not have a younger sibling, yet. The doctor advised rest for about three months before trying to conceive again. I was heartbroken as I watched my best buddy getting bigger and bigger with a baby in her womb.

My husband and I followed the doctor's advice and only started actively trying to conceive again in March 2011. We tried the normal way (and I was taking folic acid pills every day) and succeeded in April 2011. I was overjoyed! It looked like I didn’t have any difficulties conceiving again! I seemed to be full of beautiful eggs! What made it more beautiful was that I was pregnant at the same time as my sister-in-law this time. Again, I was happy because I had someone close to me to share stories and tips with. It was double the joy!

The pregnancy went well, though I was a little worried because I did not encounter any morning sickness, unlike my sister-in-law. My worries gave me a hint that something was not right (again). I had minor bleeding. It was in August 2011 and the baby was about 13 weeks.

The doctor confirmed that the baby was not growing anymore. The screen showed that the baby’s size was only equivalent to eight weeks. There was no heartbeat and no movement. We had lost the baby when it was five weeks. Yes, again, heartbroken!

I was shocked, angry and feeling lost. And, as I watched my sister-in-law taking pregnancy vitamins and her belly slowly protruding, the pain never really went away.

How could I be given a second blow? Why can’t I have a baby now? Am I a bad mother that God can't give us His blessings for another child?

My husband has been so helpful during my second ordeal. He was the calm one, though I know he was devastated, too. And now, after the D&C (dilation and curettage) procedure, I have to (again) get some rest before starting over.

It’s sad, especially when Aryssa asks: “So, you were in the hospital; where’s my sister?” She thought I was hospitalised to give her a sister.

Throughout the two “unlucky” losses, Aryssa has been such an angel. She has been so understanding and fun to be with (although she has always been this way).

Now, having completed my “rest,” I praise God for all He has done. He took away my babies to let me cherish the one that I already have. He made me realise that I need to love and care for the one that I have before I can have another baby.

We are now trying to conceive, as and when we can. There is no need to rush anymore as God gives when and as He wants to.

To all mothers and mothers-to-be: Have faith in yourself and always remember, everything happens for a reason …. In my case: It happens so that I can cherish Aryssa, my little angel.

Nora Aida Nurni