Review by REENA GURBAKSH

SPARKS
How Parents Can Help Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers
By Peter L. Benson, PhD
Publisher: Jossey Bass

EVERY parent believes their child is special in some way or other – and he or she is – but with the right guidance and nurturing, that special child can be turned into a winner.

That is the essence of this somewhat wordy but helpful guide by Benson. If you think you’ve got a pretty awesome offspring on your hands, then this book is a must-read in order to ensure you push all the right buttons in moulding your little star.

According to the author, “sparks’’ are hidden flames that tap into a teen’s true passion and gets them excited about pursuing their favourite activity. These are authentic talents and can be musical, athletic or academic; something as common as sewing and cooking or uncommon as writing rap songs and cartooning; or even something as selfless as working with children, the disabled or senior citizens.

Benson’s handy guide is full of pointers, quizzes and fun spark tips which offer plenty of insight into the topic. He interviewed and polled more than three thousand teens and two thousand parents to come up with the interesting facts and nuggets of wisdom that are scattered throughout the book.

According to him, when describing a spark, kids use pretty adult words like “love”, “passion”, “sacrifice”, “commitment” and “focus”. Top on the list of sparks are the creative arts (35% for boys and 65% of girls) and athletics (37% for boys and 16% for girls).

Part One of the book starts off by acknowledging just how difficult and challenging parenting is nowadays. Benson says that while most parents are aware of the technological revolution and try to keep on top of it, our children have become tech whizzes and very often, we find it hard to keep up with them.

Most mums and dads sometimes feel isolated and are constantly in fear of how the big, bad world will corrupt their teen. Thus they turn into “helicopter parents” and constantly hover over their children to ensure their safety. While this may make a parent feel assured, it may also stifle the teen and – unfortunately – douse that spark.

So how can you help your ensure his success?

Firstly, a parent has to recognise that spark. According to Benson, a spark can show itself any time between the ages of three and 18, but 25% of children show a spark between the ages of six and nine followed by 21% between the ages of 10 and 12.

Every child can find something they like or are good at. Just keep trying different things until you find that spark, says one 17-year-old interviewee. About two-thirds of American kids can name their spark and paint a picture of how it fulfils their life by the time they are in their mid-teens.

Also important in the process of spark-building is knowing your teenager. While this age group normally moves in herds and dislikes being “different”, it’s important for parents to really see what their child’s strengths are – is it banging on the drums, making paper planes, cheerleading? Whatever it is, you owe it to your child to give him your full support.

Also, it is normal for a teenager to challenge rules and make their own decisions. This does not mean that your child is destined to be at the bottom of the rung. Ride out the storm with patience and love. As Benson writes, all teenagers do dumb things – even if they are really smart.

Essentially, every parent who wants to help their child be a winner has to be a spark champion – that’s what Benson calls parents who captain their teen’s spark chase. Every child needs someone who will affirm the spark, provide opportunities to express it and be a mentor, and while the support can come from anyone, it is nice if mum and dad are there to cheer their teen on.

Schools and communities can also play an important role in encouraging children to pursue their passions. As the author stresses, teenagers succeed more when they don’t go it alone.

Once a teen has found his spark and is well on the way of pursuing it, it is vital to ensure that the fire does not burn out. Benson suggests helping your child build a spark plan – clear and concise goals within time limits – and stick to it as closely as possible.

Part Two of the book provides interesting and inspiring stories from American teens on how their found their spark, and spark lessons to create a thriving nation, many of which are (unfortunately) very US-based in their execution. But hey, there is nothing stopping us from taking the advice and adapting it for use in our own country.

The last two chapters list a quick guide to the many different types of areas of interest that may ignite a spark in your child – there are 32 different categories which include a wide spectrum of the arts, as well as a variety of outdoor activity, spirituality, mechanics and computers. There’s bound to be something that interests your teen on this list.

Also, Benson offers a variety of resources for parents as well as children who want to find out more about the many different aspects of discovering a talent and how one should pursue it, depending on their age group.

So go on, here’s all the help you need in nurturing your bright spark!