Review by ANITA MATTHEWS

CYBER-SAFE KIDS, CYBER-SAVVY TEENS
By Nancy E. Willard
Publisher: John Wiley & Sons

This book bothers me. As a former technology journalist who advocates unfettered information access via the Internet, it pains me to read about the perils and pitfalls of embracing the World Wide Web.

In 1995, author and academic Douglas Rushkoff wrote of children born into a culture mediated by screens – television, computer and now, the mobile phone. His book Playing The Future: What We Can Learn from Digital Kids, gave a glimpse of what is to come. 1995 was early days for the Web but today the children that Rushkoff termed “screenagers,” populate our lives.

Look around you and you will see kids and even toddlers tinkering with the mobile phone or glued to a PS2, Nintendo or Xbox. The electronic babysitter was, after all, upgraded from the television to the computer screen. Is it wrong to depend on the electronic and interactive babysitter (read: connected computer screen) versus the one-way television screen? Yes and no.

No doubt we now live in two worlds: The real world and the virtual world. The real world is filled with dangers of all sorts and it is no surprise that these dangers also inhabit the virtual world. It is common knowledge that the criminally bent were among early adopters of the Net. To think that our children sitting in front of their screens are safe from all danger is a tad naïve on our (read: parents) part. And that is exactly Willard’s argument in her book.

Much of what she has written would be stuff we have read here and there. Online stuff such as pornography, predators, dating, bullying, gangsterism, gambling, gaming, hacking, plagiarism, scams and spam. All that online stuff is available offline too.

What Willard does is take readers step by step and explain why we need to raise our children to be wary of the dangers that lurk in cyberspace. She goes on to qualify her arguments with evidence such as how a child’s brain develops and that a toddler’s decision-making process differs from that of a tween who is incidentally entering the puberty years.

Mind you, Willard states that the bit of the brain related to making choices develops fully when kids reach their 20s! So, it is little wonder that we still hear or read about adults who are scammed online.

Challenged and conflicted

After laying the foundation, Willard goes on to discuss common parenting styles and the outcome of an authoritarian, authoritative or permissive parenting style on a child’s behaviour in the online world. What works online is the authoritative parenting style which also works in the real world. But, of course, first-time parents do not get a manual on parenting and learn to raise kids through trial and error. The Web has been a wonderful resource for first-time parents who can reach out to a global community for guidance and support. In that respect parents can find thousands of resources on how to handle difficult children.

However it is very different when children step into the virtual world and Willard provides guidelines on managing online interactions for children in different age groups. For instance, parents must insist that their eight-year-old not enter nor register at any website without their permission or that a 16-year-old is more likely to share personal information online without their knowledge. The tip to manage a 16-year-old’s online interaction is to ensure that there is open communication between parent and teen in the real world in the first place.

Willard also lists red flags that parents look out for and advises on how to manage such situations. If your child begins to behave differently, becomes secretive, emotionally distant, receives gifts from strangers and spends way, way too much time on the Internet, there is trouble.

However, she cautions against confrontation and proposes that parents do the right thing to preserve a good relationship.

Willard dissects each virtual space with anecdotes on how other children had interacted in such spaces. For instance, how a game or activity website has a pre-checked box as a standard for automatic opt in. It is interesting to note that these pre-checked boxes have popped up all over the Web and we should pay attention or end up being automatic subscribers to information we don’t need.

Willard points out that automatic opt at sites targeted at children could lead to an email request for personal information such as full name and address which some children won’t think twice to provide. And, that is potentially dangerous as we are unable to track where the information would go or how it would be used.

Willard applies the same rule of thumb when interacting on social networks, instant messaging, gaming as online engagement inevitably leads to friendships and relationships, be it old or newfound friends. The rules that apply in the real world apply virtually, too. Be careful of who you talk to and what you say. A screen “separating” the physical being is no reason to be rude, bully and be bullied, take candy from strangers, use porn or join gangs.

Willard divides potential harms in cyberspace by chapters making it easier for parents to deal with situations. For instance, if you think your child has turned Goth, go to chapter 24, or check chapter 27 if your kid is addicted to violent games and chapter 31 to deal with the budding plagiarist. Each chapter is self-contained with the problem, intervention strategies, possible outcomes and teachable moments for parents to apply.

Willard also proposes that parents draw up an agreement in writing on Internet use for their children. She believes this to be the best way to raise socially-aware and responsible children. Naturally, the sooner parents educate their children on making good choices, the easier it would be as they grow in an era mediated by screens.

The screens are not disappearing any time soon but have evolved as we see in the iPad or iPhone. Such devices are perhaps primitive to our kids who desire greater sophistication in the virtual world. Furthermore, with companies selling credits in the real world to play online games, the virtual world will further evolve and the good and bad will grow alongside the evolution.

Even for those with older children who may feel that the teens are runaway trains, there is hope. Our duty is to ensure that our kids are equipped with knowledge, skills and values to make responsible choices. To do that, we need to pay attention to what the kids are up to.