Review by ELAINE DONG (www.angelolli.com)
UNDER PRESSURE
Rescuing our children from the culture of hyper-parenting
By Carl Honore
Publisher: Orion Books
Lately there are a slew of books extolling the virtues of a more relaxed parenting style. It can only be expected after an era of high expectations and uber-parenting. What goes up must come down.
The author of Under Pressure takes everything we have come to associate with parenting - buying toys to increase a child’s intelligence, teaching kids to read and write before the expected age, pushing them to excel in everything - and turns it around on its head.
It is essentially about slowing down and letting kids be kids, you know, the stuff that our parents used to do. He looks at the competitiveness of parents, how it doesn’t have to be the end of the world if your child doesn’t know 100 words by the time he is two.
The book goes from babyhood to the teenage years, so naturally each stage of a child’s life is discussed. He also searches for alternative methods of bringing up junior.
Take preschool, for example. In essence, preschool is about play, but the pressure cooker world of today has turned most preschools into academic minefields, where three-year-olds are made to read and write and add and subtract.
As an alternative, he uses the Reggio Emilia approach as an example. This is a schooling system in the small town of Reggio Emilia in Italy. There is no fixed curriculum, and the teaching style is that the student leads. Art is used as a medium of teaching and nature is a big part of school life.
An unstructured schooling system where all the students do is roam around outside gathering bits from nature and creating artworks may not go down too well in our society. Or most societies. Yes, there is perhaps a need to dial back the amount of pressure put on kids nowadays to perform, perform, perform, but there is also no drastic need to go in the complete opposite direction.
Other parts of this book talk about how technology is stealing away the joys of childhood, which most parents will agree with. There are also many suggestions for alternative schooling systems as the kids get older, but the reality is that the education system of any country is the hardest to overhaul.
Here in Malaysia, there are not that many choices for parents either - it is either government, vernacular, private or international school. The first three run the same syllabus while the last one takes the syllabus of its home country. Parents could take the suggestions the author puts forward and try to put into practice certain aspects at home; otherwise it’ll be a very frustrating exercise trying to get their children’s schools to change the existing system.
The basic premise of this book is sound - we need to relax a little, give the kids space to grow in their own time - but the suggestions are a little far-fetched in certain circumstances.
It all comes down to common sense parenting, trusting your instincts about when you have pushed your kids a tad too much. At the same time, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your kids and helping them excel, for that is the job of a parent.
This book is a good read for ideas and does give parents a lot to think about. But I wouldn’t take it too literally. Read it in broad strokes, and pick up on the suggestions that you think could work in your life. Ignore the rest.