My little girl, Tara, is sometimes sugar sweet, and other times she is unbearably irritating. How can I get her out of a bad mood when she has not really done anything to deserve punishment?

I would suggest that you take her in your arms and talk to her in this manner: “I don’t know whether you’ve noticed or not, Tara, but you have two 'personalities'. A personality is a way of acting and talking and behaving.

“One of your personalities is sweet and loving. No one could possibly be more lovable and happy when this personality is in control. But all you have to do is press a little read button, ding, and out comes another personality. It is cranky and noisy and silly. It wants to fight with your brother and disobey your mum. It gets grouchy in the morning and complains all day.

“Now Tara, I know that you can press the button for the neat personality or you can call up the unpleasant one. Sometimes you need help to make you want to press the right button. That’s where I come in. If you keep on pressing the wrong button, like you have been today, then I’m going to make you uncomfortable one way or the other. I’m tired of the cranky character, and I want to see the grinny one. Can we make a deal?”

When discipline becomes a game, as in a conversation such as this, then you’ve achieved your purpose without conflict and animosity.

This article was written by Focus on the Family Malaysia (www.family.org.my) and the Questions and Answers are extracted from “Complete Family and Marriage Home Reference Guide” by Dr James Dobson with permission.